• Nikki Vergakes

Mindfulness

Updated: Sep 23, 2018

So I also write poetry.... I wouldn't call myself a poet, then again, Rebecca Black called herself a singer...


I've written a pretty lengthy poem called, "Anatomy of Anxiety". It delves deep into my experience with anxiety, how it makes me feel and my hopes for living a fruitful life after finally facing it after many years. I'll be publishing it verse by verse over the next few weeks on this blog. Below is the first part - my relationship with mindfulness.


Theres, of course, a lot that this doesn't cover. If you every want to talk more about your relationship with anxiety, please e-mail me.



Mindfulness

I want to take back the joy of

doing mindless things without

worrying about what I’m doing next.

I want to take back the joy of

taking a walk without

having my phone on me so I can obsess over the time. Gotta get inside so I can meet another self-imposed deadline.


I want to remember what it’s like to be mindful.

I want to be able to get through writing this paragraph without

setting a reminder in my phone to do something five days from now.


I want to take back the joy of

shopping with my mom.

while she’s recounts the events of her day,

I want to stop thinking about how

everything else but that.

I want to stop being this way.


I want to take back the joy of driving.

I miss the days when I would lose my mind to the music on the radio and

burn the images of the scenery surrounding me in my head.

I didn’t need a GPS, I just remembered what turn I made when the new Beyonce song came on Car rides were a thing I looked forward to.

I relieved the little stress I had from the day as Ryan Seacrest’s voiced carried me down the road.


I used to have my greatest ideas while driving and in the shower.

Now I have my greatest anxieties.

I used to dwell on exciting future possibilities like running into my crush at the corner store.

I would think about what I would say to them tom make them fall in love with me.

I used to think I was psychic when my fantasies came true, and I

really did see my crush at the 7/11.


Now, I dwell on future possibilities that aren’t so bright.

I think about what I would do if I lost my job or

my apartment.

I make back-up plans in the shower instead of far-off fantasies.

My back-up plans have back-up plans, and I need to

Back out of this life you’ve given me.

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