• Nikki Vergakes

Me against the world

Updated: Oct 1, 2018

I've written a pretty lengthy poem called, "Anatomy of Anxiety". It delves deep into my experience with anxiety, how it makes me feel and my hopes for living a fruitful life after finally facing it after many years. I'll be publishing it verse by verse over the next few weeks on this blog. Below is the next part - "Me against the world".

Anatomy of Anxiety Table of Contents:

1. Mindfulness

2. Me Against the World

3. The to-do List & Existentialism

4. Being nicer to Myself & A Force to be Reckoned With

Theres, of course, a lot that this doesn't cover. If you every want to talk more about your relationship with anxiety, please e-mail me.

Me against the world

I miss not convincing myself that every person I see

hates me.

not everyone

only you

Can see “through my mask” and

Knows that I’m an “imposter”.

I miss believing every word I say

a privilege that you’ve taken away.

You’ve told me for years that I’m not valid

my points are not valid

my beliefs are not valid.

I miss being so engaged that I look

deep into someone’s eyes and feel what they’re saying

in my soul.

You and your thoughts have invaded my soul.

You’ve stolen my ability to make solid connections that aren’t

masked by self doubt,

or are ruined by the idea that

people just feel bad for me

or that I’ve convinced are just a farse

just like me.

I miss being so lost in a conversation that I

lose where I am in the time-space continuum, or I

forget why I was even there, or I

stop worrying about the little things like

why I was even there and

be okay with it.

Because of you, I can’t lose myself in a moment and

come up for air feeling refreshed, not anxious.

That shit is therapeutic for me,

you see, escaping my own vicious reality

I either become my true self or another version of myself

when I lose myself

And whoever she is I love and miss her